There is nothing quite like preparing one's large bowel for the camera.

This will be my seventh colonoscopy since 2001. I'm 35. Having a colonoscopy, in and of itself, is a piece of cake. The twilight sleepy drugs make it a rather comfortable intrusion. It is the preparation of the bowels that really sucks. The seventh time is neither easier nor more pleasurable. Not only am I starving because all I've had to eat today is jell-o, a piece of toast, coffee and Italian ice but my entire day has been devoted to and planned around the bathroom.

 I also have a 3 1/2 year old and a one-month-away-from eight year-old. Thankfully, they both felt sorry for me and were helpful (at least until little one lost her cool at bedtime).

So the day is shot, I take the 4 pills at noon that are supposed to get things moving and the instructions, as you can see, say WAIT FOR BOWEL MOVEMENT. I *thought* I might at least get some reading done, but the waiting was distracting, in that it was accompanied by extremely uncomfortable bloating and waves of nausea. I did, however, watch the movie Iris and wept a little here and there amidst all of the other sensations. Periodically, my children would run in and sing a get well song...or chant.

So, day shot, feeling super-icky, AND then 4 hours later the nausea and bloating disappear. Where did they go? 

I think you know.  

So, day shot, and a span of 3 hours of urgent defecation has replaced bouts of bloating and nausea. AND then the hemorrhoids descend. The bowels are pretty much prepped now.

After all of this I have now come to the stage where I am overcome with the need to shower, shave, powder and primp. I'm weirding myself out but , at the same time, I get why extra hygiene is called for. Help, what do I wear to my colonoscopy? O yeah.  A paper shirt.

So, clothes are selected, legs shaved, hemorrhoids are deflaming and I've blogged about it.

I'm still hungry. What next?

Oooo, right, anxiety. The anxiety has been creeping in all week. The bowel prep was just a distraction from all of the other emotions that this yearly "ritual" evokes. The first time I did this I woke up with concerned faces peering down at me. Within one hour I was in surgery having a giant  "mass" made out of cancer removed form my colon. I was 29, been married 6 months, just bought our first house and we had a 1 1/2 year old son. I was diagnosed with stage lll colon cancer (which means it made it to some lymph nodes) and underwent 6 intense months of chemo, so far so good but the taste of the laxative, the rigorous bodily processes, the hospital, the IV, the EVERYTHING that goes with it brings up a lot of emotion, both bitter and sweet.

I'm grateful that I am able to have these screenings every year. We were uninsured back in 2001. My husband works hard to help pay for the insurance we have now. 

I know early detection is my friend but i still like to laugh about it and complain just to lighten the mood, if you will :)

So, I'll keep you posted. I know everyone is eager to read  their Annual Kimmy Colonoscopy report! 

P.S. This year I prepared my bowels with the Delayed-Release Bisacodyl tablets and Half Lytely. I think Half Lytely (just like Go-Lytley) are equally vile and that the flavor packets, Lemon-Lime, Cherry or Orange, only make this lukewarm, thick ,salty,clear fluid vat of nastiness even more vile. I think I've done all the preps they have to offer and I'd  choose none of them over the other. That's just how foul they are....sorry people.